Meet your Dark Mother

Eventually, our erotic medicine takes us to a depth from which we cannot return – this is when the true transformation begins.

I remember the first time I took money for sucking a dick.

It was the hardest integration of my life because it meant I could never go back to being a woman who hasn’t ever done that.

We can talk all day about the spiritual healing journey, about love and light and loving yourself and “feeling better” – but the truth about your erotic medicine is that it will guide you to places you never imagined you’d go. And those places become the greatest teachers and healers.

It was my sexual energy that led me to my knees crying on the bathroom floor, because while I was numbing out, fucking randos, going to orgies and living my rebellious wild truth while I wanted something deeper I couldn’t put my finger on.

But it was my erotic medicine, driven by my deepest most sacred needs and desires -- that led me to my knees as a sex worker, following the deep pull of the forbidden and hidden and typically shrouded in shame.  

Now, your erotic journey will look very different from mine.

Maybe your erotic energy is leading you to fuck anyone you want (not just your partner), to be tied up and forced to eat your own shit (super hot), or to just let yourself be in the simple sensual moments of life (yum).

Maybe your erotic energy is being pulled towards something that has nothing to do with sex at all, but it feels soooo sexual in your body - pulsing, dripping, aroused, lit up, and swirling endlessly with pleasure.

I’m here to tell you that surrendering to that potent power and allowing it to deliver its medicine is the most responsible choice you can make for yourself and your relationships.

It might not always “feel nice.” When the universe hands you your destiny, it often feels like the scariest thing in the world. I often say “the dildo of consequences rarely comes lubed”… But it will do the thing you really need it to – and set you free.

My erotic medicine slowly dismantled my life - piece by piece - because once unleashed, it no longer fit in the life I had built to belong & to please. While I had been testing the boundaries of my corporate confines for a while – and the crusading activist & rebel I am did her best to carve a life in that world – as my true work emerged, this simply wouldn’t hold.

People are going to say shit about me no matter what I do.

So I might as well do what I want (while still remaining sober to the reality that this world - and that all the daddy figures I tried so desperately to impress in my life - will totally be confused and potentially abandon me).

We all eventually find our place of no return. 

For me, I was ready to show the world who I really was and publish my website publicly – and that was when Corporate Daddy said “gotcha” – and fired me after a years long witch hunt. But it was exactly what I needed, and what I’d asked for.

I’m still here. Still standing. For you and your erotic medicine.

Finally FREE – powerful, confident, unapologetic and most importantly: Uncompromised.

I’m here to stand boldly for the liberation of your deep erotic medicine.

Because no matter how dark your desires are, how taboo or disgusting –

There’s nothing wrong with you.

It is only by confronting these desires (and all the dust they kick up) that you will alchemize the deepest acceptance, permission, and pleasure from your life.

The whole time I was chasing money, or pleasure or sexual satisfaction, what I didn’t realize was that what I needed was something else entirely –

The freedom to be who I really am, to want what I really want, and to totally fucking HAVE IT even if it ruffles feathers, and even if I lose along the way.

The connection to a spiritual calling far more profound than “breaking necks and cashing checks.”

That is true power.

And, no matter where your erotic medicine is leading you... I want that for you too.

Oh dear sweet one, 

Do not struggle 

For it will hurt you

More than it hurts me. 

You cannot see the edges 

But can you feel how I hold you there? 

Swaddled in the substance of silence. 

Nestled in the simplicity of the mundane. 

Resting into the fecundity of the fallow. 

I only want what’s best for you. 

This pain is for your own good. 

Love, Your Dark Mother