Israel & Hamas - what to do in the face of global conflict

This is not going to sound like any other email on Israel and Hamas. 

— hello darkness.

In NYC, the Empire State Building shines blue and white.  

In Washington, the president of the US makes statements on who “we” stand with. 

And across the internet, people repost what they hope is the right thing to say in this moment. 

And, while it's true that I believe leaders have a responsibility to be a guiding force in painful moments like this, much of what “leadership” is looking like right now will not actually change anything (and spoiler, it certainly won't bring peace to war torn people).

It can be so easy to feel helpless in these moments… to the point where we just look away, or take empty action to quell the guilt we feel inside of us, or scream at the top of our lungs (keyboards) with righteous opinions. 

But, if any of these actions really changed history, then history wouldn't be repeating itself right now.  

So how do we, lil 'ol us, change the course of history without getting lost in a conflict we have little control over?

We make this an inside job.  And then move into action. 

The invitation (and my personal practice) when pain in the collective arises: 

1. Stay connected to reality (without drowning in it) while simultaneously 

2. Noticing what parts of this collective violence live in me.  

And I know what you're thinking… 

“Francesca do you see what's happening?  Starving people, killing babies, murder of families!  I'd never do that! That doesn't live in me!”

And I'd say… are you sure? 

If you reflect on how you show up in conflict… 

Have you ever stormed out on someone and starved them from your presence during a tough moment? 

Have you ever taken such a low blow and weaponized someone's most vulnerable tender parts? 

Have you ever refused to take accountability for your wrong doings that led someone to snap? 

Was winning and proving you were right more important than mending a relationship?  

Ugh, I know loves, fucking hard to look at.  Because we never want to think (or admit) that we have the capacity to do that.

So, I'll go first.

A year ago I was betrayed by a group of people so deeply that the only sensible thing to do was hit the road, cry for 6 months, and eat shitty processed foods while taking absurdly long baths (yes, hot pockets in the bath tub is a specific kind of vibe). 

And, although I've never admitted it before, this geo-political conflict is really making me look at (and re-feel) the violent retaliatory fantasies I had during that time. 

Real talk… one violent fantasy I had included murdering the children of (who I deemed at the time) my #1 enemy right in front of him.  

In my fantasy, I slit a little girl's throat in front of her father in pure retaliation – to take away from him what he took away from me. 

Am I Hamas?  No. 

But, does the same darkness that fuels Hamas live inside of me? Yup. 

I wish my darkness was as basic as keying someone's car or slashing their tires…

But letting this conflict really reflect back at me what I needed to see in myself was the power move of the moment. 

(pause for some shame processing) 

Letting my darkness be seen by you all is in hopes of one singular outcome: to let you know that the dark parts of this conflict that live in you are welcome here. 

In fact, saying them out loud is more than OK.  

It's awesome and I fucking celebrate it. 

Because it's fucking honest.  

My belief is that, when you drop the righteousness and choose to see what parts of this conflict are mirrored in your own conflict resolution patterns, you can actually make the gentle shifts to show up differently while letting all your darkness breathe. 

Your darkness is holy

(no matter how fucked up it might sound) 

In fact, the power play is to be with your darkness in a way that transmutes the pain instead of perpetuates it.  That's how we change the world. 

If you're ready to…

* be with your darkness in a nonjudgmental space

* process the pain of the collective that lives inside of you and

* shift how you show up in conflict so that you can change history

…then let's get to weRk.